i forgotten how to write the 瘁 in 鞠躬尽瘁 so i can only write 贡献至死. sien! so embarrassing please. wtf. f. SIEN! that's like the result of not doing chinese for more than a month. ): damn sien. damn sien. damn sien. waste my time okay. i spent so much time thinking how to write 鞠躬 then end up couldn't think of the last word. what shit is this!! ):):):

okay then i found out that my hand still aches from lit last friday. wtf. i haven't wrote anything for 3 whole days okay. and my hand still aches? okay you can really see how severely injured is my hand. then today still had to write 4 hours of chinese. LOL. it was such a torture writing zuowens today. thanks so much to my aching hand. i was even thinking about start training my left hand so in case this kind of thing happens again i can just yknow, switch hands and start writing like shit again. oh or i can hold pens in both hands and do something about it! HAHHAHA. i am so damn smart.

oh from now onwards no more proper writing! for the rest of the year! haha. the last 2 papers are MCQs. no need to write long essays and answers. HAHHA. shade shade time.

reminds me of tap tap. LOL.

oh and it was the first time i had like 15 minutes to do pian duan shuo xie can. walao. usually i only have like 10 minutes or less. you know me lah. always so very naggy and slow. haha. i was so shocked i kept checking and rechecking to see whether i missed out any questions or not okay. walao. haha. tomorrow no school. sleep day. well. all the best to those taking the photocopy subject. haha. chinese lit. LOL.

ohwell. i am hungry again. i want to eat mcwings! and s like a pig. hahah. should i? should i order mcwings?

):

slave of Perfection.

p.s: i was so obsessed with writing the workings in mechanical pencil and shading the boxes with real 2B wooden pencil. f.

p.p.s: i should create a new post label 'hungry'. i bet it'll very soon be the most-used-label.

i typed this super emo blog post last night and it didn't get saved! i was so proud of my post and then when i wanted to publish it today it's not there! and i don't have the same mood now as i had yesterday so i couldn't produce something identical! i can't even produce something similar now. wtf. F! moral of the story, don't attempt to post anything when the internet sucked like shit.

slept at 4am last night. a result of my emo-ing. by 2 plus i was already not there. as in, i was watching something but i don't know what went on. i was like a zombie, seeing the things move around. that's all. i was a spectator who didn't pay attention. i wanted to sleep but i didn't want to.

if you get what i mean.

i am still sleepy. i think it's because i slept too much. LOL.

i just cleared a lot of things off my files and cupboards. i sneezed like shit lah. my nose is super sensitive to dust. like, ultra sensitive okay. and i created this mountain of trash outside my room. okay it's because the big dustbins are just outside my room okay. i don't anyhow throw things one lah. oh i wanted to take pictures of the HUGE pile but decided not to. HAHA. it'll look super weird okay. i'm already weird enough i don't want to be any weirder.

okay i just realised i spent super a lot of money on food this year. like SUPER ALOT. all my money was like, eaten away. siens. should stop eating like some pig. i'm not even born in pig year okay why do i eat so much. and still feel hungry so fast.

): ): ):

the good thing is that i don't get fat easily.

i've eaten like hell but still maintained the same weight for 2 years now.

I AM REALLY FEELING VERY DIZZYYYY! i think i'm going to s. it's raining now. it'll be the best time to s.

tomorrow's HCL and phy p1. should be fine lah. (:

slave of Perfection.

p.s: 4 days to the end of Os; 10 days to home!

it's so sad, to see that the different races in malaysia are still seen differently.

was on this fb fan page - no races, just malaysians.

why does this thingy even emerge in the first place? if there isn't any racism in the country, why would people start up these kind of fan pages, with people joining them?

one question they asked on the page: why, during examinations, we have to fill in this part that says 'race'? does race really affect one's grades? i don't remember filling that in during pmr. maybe i did, i couldn't remember. maybe spm they do it? or something like that. idk. but i guess that's just how they control how many As for chinese and how many for malays and so on?

i really don't see why else do they need our racial particulars during an exam? when it should be the merit that matters.

i have always been wanting to keep faith in this country that i belonged. i wanted to believe that there surely will be a better future for this country. yes, i left the country in search of something better. every year there is criticism on the education and i guess that was the reason i left. i guess i was just too afraid that i'll be a victim. but even as i leave, i am still loyal to my country. i might sound like a hypocrite, but as much as the saying 'love is blind' goes, i am not blind to the government's faults. (LOLLLL. quote quote from TWR) it is like, i am not willing to be let down by a country i loved. when these victimising cases happen on people, you sort of don't feel much, cause the long exposure to the cruelty of the society and the world has numbed your senses. but when the most unlucky thing happened to you, you will be greatly affected and you will surely change you perception for this country, to such an extreme extent that turning back is no longer an option.

seeing that question that i saw just now, my heart went cold.

slave of Perfection.

p.s: guess it's time for me to accept some imperfect realities.

p.p.s: gosh this post so emo. ):

what a way to almost end the o-levels. what a way.

i logged on to fb just now and there were like thousands of notifications. gosh. someone uploaded some primary school photo. i nearly died looking at them. LOL. how much everyone have changed! goshhhhh. really surprised me like shit can. then there was this class photo of 6k(04), then a lot of people were tagged and so people started adding each other and catching up. gosh. oh and i found my long-lost best friend. gosh i'm in such a tumult! gosh gosh gosh. it's like, we lost contact for IDK HOW LONG!! 5 years? or something like that. it was that long. i felt so uh, sorry and guilty for uh, not really putting in the effort to look for her all these years. and i didn't even tell her i'm here in singapore, until like today! then she told me like, she heard someone saying that i'm here, that's why she knows? she wasn't even sure! how could i be such a lousy friend? all the more i felt so sorry. ):

but whatever it is, i'm still very glad to uh, find her, even though it's like, 5 years ago, we were best friends, i think we still consider each other as best friends. it's like, you haven't sharing anything about yourself with her, nor do you know much about her recent years. but like, the moment we uh, SPOTTED each other on fb it was really like a family reunion, like you've lost a sister 5 years ago. the feeling is still there and you just naturally thinks that she is still your best friend for all you could remember was how close you were last time.

I LOVE YOU MEITHENG!! and i'm glad to find you. although it's more like you found me.

err. this really doesn't mean that people like hueychin and trecia are not my best friends anymore okay. they still are. and they will always be.

ohwell. today was lit and bio. lit was just aiya, go and do, that kind of attitude. like, i spent quite a lot of time doing the quotes thingy and i didn't bother to read notes or do any or read sample essays. the questions were fine. although i thought the part 2 to the passage based of TGM was quite tough? nearly ran out of time cause i couldn't decipher that question. LOL. i think i panicked, that's why.

anyway! having both lit papers together was disastrous. by the time i was writing the 2nd paper my hand was like dropping off and giving in to exhaustion already. then i really couldn't write anymore. i had to like put my head on the table and listen to my writing sounds while writing. how retarded. but that was like my only way? and now i'm typing super slowly cause i'm like typing with one and a half hands? ): my right hand is half dead.

i crammed bio like shit after lit. there were like around 2 hours to cram and i really crammed like shit. until my head was about to burst. ):

and then i got so dizzy and giddy and so i stopped. but luckily i crammed loh! if not can't do the bacteria-insulin thingy, and the thermalregulator thingy, and the blood clotting thingy. hahah. luckily excretion never come out, then the ecology chapter not much also. then no genetic diagrams, i so sad. i love to cross! :D

okay now i'm left with 5 papers! yayyy. 2 chinese papers and all the MCQ papers for all sciences. I AM HAPPY! who cares if 'happy' is a banned lit word. i'm still gonna use it. I AM HAPPYYYY.

oh and i just received an email from world vision and they have volunteering sessions to help asian and african kids in december! how i wish i could go. i wanna go leyy really. but obviously i can't. ): i so wanna help. AHHHHHH. this is SADDDDDDDD.

i'll GAS now and wake up later for LOTR3!! GOSH i think it's 6 hours. hope not. if not i'll be so uh all over the place by the time i finish. (:(:

slave of Perfection.

i have officially realised that i am more of an arts person than a science person. i mean, i could do science, like well enough, but not super good or excellent that kind. oh god, this kind of realisation sucks. to find out that you actually couldn't do something well enough to meet your own expectations.

anyway, life's getting better although these few days have been quite sucky.

i think i screwed both chem and physics. idk if i did or not, but that's just what i felt, alright. but actually i could do almost all the physics questions, just don't know correct or not? goshhhhh. the struggle in me is getting more and more intense.

like i felt bad for not being able to be sure whether or not i did correctly.

anyway, geog was considerably more of a breeze to me than physics, seriously. i mean, it wasn't like a typical paper with all the typical questions lah. the paper was quite challenging actually, especially the LORMS for food. LOL. but i thought it was quite interesting, just like how i felt some lit question was interesting during prelims? gahhh. yeah that way. they were talking about some trend of people in LEDC eating more non-staple food than staple food? HAHA. that's like the super front part of the first chapter of food in the tb. wah that part was so not LORMS? then there are 2 parts to the question and idk how much should i write for each so i ended up with like, almost 3 pages just for 8 marks. siao. but nvm lah got time.

oh and i managed to do the nat veg 6 marks question although i never studied that chapter at all. aiya. deforestation is quite common sense actuallyy? no meh.

okay today have to read through WR and TGM. tomorrow got consultation with ms azlin. HAHAHA LUCKILY I REMEMBERED TO GO CHECK OUR TIMESLOT FOR CONS. IF NOT HAVE TO SMS MS AZLIN FOR THE TIME. LOL SO PAISEH!

anywayyyyyy okay today dinner got chicken spaghetti. wah finallyyyyy. after like 3-4 months? gosh. they don't like to serve pasta although they know we love to eat it? so stupid. plus everytime they serve they serve like what, beef? something that i don't eat. then now new scholars come then faster serve nice food? walao unfair! but nevermind lah, they will go back to their old self soon. HAHAH. but by then i'll be OUT OF HERE!

ohwelllllllll. i shall not type anymore. i am so hungry but i'm still waiting for pasta. SPAGHETTTTIIIIIIIIIIII~ must go down very early if not queue super long. okayokay.

i shall watch house now. HAHA. (: while waiting.. still waiting.

slave of Perfection.

p.s: hangryyyyyy.

1. my geog-mugging progress sucked.

2. haven't started physical geog. let's talk about it tomorrow.

3. just started on physics 15 minutes ago.

4. wondering what time i'll get to sleep.

5. i will conquer them both.

slave of Perfection.

i didn't want to blog. i'm having a bad stomach, so bad that it ruined my mood. i ate too much, now i'm too full, and having a heartburn. but i wanted to sign off, as slave of Perfection. somehow that idea just sort of overwhelmed me and before i knew it i'm already on the create-new-post page.

but i can't sign off without typing any words, because if i do that, it won't even be signing off in the first place. it would be signing on. siens. idk what's wrong with me.

i think it's my stomach.

and my nervousness maybe. i am scared for chem especially. i've done so badly in chem i wanted to kill myself. but obviously i can't! you know.

even if i can, i won't.

i have yet to study a lot of things. but i'm having a silly stomach who throws tantrums every now and then. i can't help it.

-----

today's post starts here:

aiyah this is supposed to be yesterday's post, so sienssss.

oh today ss. LOL. VENICE DIDN'T COME OUT haha, just as i'd expected, luckily i didn't touch that chapter at all. hahha. okayyy. can throw away all ss stuffs liao.

i am so hungry i'm now eating dark chocolate quadratini despite the fact that my throat still aches? should i get mehgee? i wanna eat something. sweet thing doesn't satisfy meeee! although dark choco is teeny bit bitter but it doesn't make much of a difference. ):

i have no idea how am i gonna finish studying geog and physics by wednesday.

sighs. ):

slave of Perfection.

p.s: my desire for perfection became worse! the moment i couldn't do ONE single question i felt like such a failure. ): WHY!

ohwell. i'm gonna finish ss today and start on chem. must finish all the things that i have to memorize in chem so that tomorrow will be a do-exercise day. HAH. i need practise. i need to perfect my answer. okay time to pour over the answer schemes. YAYYY.

okay let me think of what i have to memorise for chemmmm. QA, conditions for organic chem reactions, the iron extraction thingy, oh oxidising and reducing agents? and and.. WHAT ELSEEEEE!! oh yeah the air chapter! and a bit of this and that. okay i know alr.

shit i haven't study geog as well. still thinking whether or not to study selectively? i haven't touched natural vegetation for like, more than half a year? idk i think i should still look through HAHA. just in case you knowwwww.

slave of Perfection.

p.s: time is running out. be quick! be swift! or you will fail. and that, is not an option.

finished watching lotr 2. goshhh. i found viggo mortensen hot. HAHA. although he's uh, 51? GOSH. haha. but he's really hot okay. and he's not just a film actor, but also like, a theatre actor.

haha. i could still remember that session that we london ppl had, with the people from the theatre, the acting session? haha. i thought it was fun? being the three witches. LOL.

oh today amath p2 was more difficult than i'd expected, i thought. but still doable lah. haha. but i spent so much time doing haha.

this was also the paper that i wasted the most number of papers. like, not as in, use many papers then hand them all in okay. wasted as in, used and wrote wrongly then threw. gosh ended up i felt so frustrated with myself. siens. this is not good. ): ):

ooooh introducing the latest shortform: GAS! oh it stands for go and sleep. LOL. what a lame shortform right.

haha. amath was over. i was feeling so tensed up before the paper, cause kimmy gave me this question from cedar paper to do then i couldn't do? and it was only a 4 marks question okay. sigh. then plus i never did a single amath question last night and this morning? haha. the plane geom worksheet from mr loh october also i never touched. i didn't even bother doing, just read the solutions that's all. woah but luckily today's paper was fine you know. fine.

i got stuck at question 2, then i felt so demoralised? haha. cause you know it's the first few question, then it will really like, affect your morale? HAHA. then ended up i felt like i couldn't do so many questions when it was only one? haha.

and no. 5 was phrased in such a complex manner? it was such an easy question but they like, tried to confuse you by using like, a super complicated sentence? wah like doing english compre like that leyy. at first i read for like, 3-5 times and still couldn't get what they were trying to say lah. and then i just skipped that question? HAHA. but after i understood it, i felt so cheated. excuse me!! it was such a simple question! why make life difficult?

the others were fine. haha. nothing much lah huh.

i am scared that i won't have enough time to finish studying my geog? goshhhh. ):

hah. it happened again. someone, again, apologized to me when i wasn't even offended! i really hope people will stop doing that? gosh. i really don't know what to do when people do that! goshhh.

tomorrow's amath p2. wah crescent damn best lah. they are gonna upload an amath mock p2 for us like, later, based on the topics that have not come out in p1 yet? LOL.

i am so impressed.

slave of Perfection.

p.s: i think it is very possible that i will order macs later. i just finished my dinner like 20 minutes ago and i am HUNGRY AGAIN! gosh. i hate this period of time. always hungry one. and sweet food does not satisfy me.